7 Things I Learned From Falling Flat on My Face (Literally)
My teeth! My teeth! My #$@&% teeth! Oh my goodness…I can’t believe this!
It happened so fast. I couldn’t even remember exactly what it was I was doing. I mean I knew I was in the middle of the roda playing capoeira, but that’s all I could remember. It was as if my entire center of gravity was gone in the flash of an eye, and all I felt next was the solid concrete ground crashing against my teeth. Broken pieces of what used to be my teeth were swimming around in a pool of blood inside my mouth. Ptuh! Ptuh! I spit and spit, until I saw them flying out of my mouth into my hand and onto the surrounding floor.
And that’s when it hit me. Oh my goodness! I screamed. My teeth! My teeth!
The stars of the show, the centerpiece of my face, my introduction to the world for the past 23 years — Poof! Just up and gone like that in an instant!
I couldn’t believe it. I just could not believe it. How could this happen? Why would this happen? Oh my goodness! The reality of it all — I just couldn’t accept.
A Day That Would Never End
This was Saturday. It was one of the longest days, but also one of the fastest days of my life. You know the one I’m talking about. A day where there is so much newness and unfamiliarity you can barely keep up, but at the same time, it’s painfully long and drawn-out, because everything that is coming at you, isn’t necessarily stuff you want. In actuality, it’s all the stuff you’d rather do without; the stuff you wish would just be over already.
It was a full hour before I looked in the mirror. I wanted to be away from everyone else. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to be the first to meet the “new” me.
We met, and it wasn’t the most pleasant of encounters. I stared into the mirror with my mouth agape. I stared and stared. I cried and cried. I still was not willing to accept this new version of myself. This isn’t me; this is an imposter, I kept thinking. There was still a part of me that thought I could wish this all away, that thought this was just a bad dream, and that I’d wake up from it any second now. Things would surely be back to normal soon.
The Fixer
I have to fix this. I have to fix this right now! But my boyfriend was already two steps ahead of me. He knew me all too well, and saw that I was digging through the closet of my mind, in search of my repair kit. After 10 calls to different dentists in the area, he finally found one that was willing to squeeze in a new patient.
Three hours later, what I had dreaded hearing was officially confirmed by the experts. Two of my front teeth were fractured and a third was pushed out of place, back towards the inside of my mouth. Fortunately, with a little (or a lot — who really knows in that state of mind) of novocaine and a fistful of pressure applied, the oral surgeon was able to snap that tooth back into place. As for the fractures, though, those would have to wait another week before a final diagnosis could be made and a treatment prescribed. The dentist said those teeth had already endured too much trauma and needed some time to heal on their own, before more work could be done.
What! Are you serious? I have to go into the world like this? No, this can’t be. I’m sure I asked the dentist at least two more times to make sure he hadn’t made a mistake; to make sure there wasn’t anything he could get started on today.
Nope. That was it. One tooth popped back in. The rest would have to wait.
One Day at a Time
It’s been three days since this incident happened, and things aren’t so bad anymore. Yes, my smile still isn’t the same as it used to be, but it’s not that bad (at least that’s what everyone keeps telling me anyhow). I’ve calmed down quite a bit, I’ve been more open in sharing what happened, and with each new day, I’m slowly returning to my normal routine…slowly returning to feeling like my old self again.
And yes, I can understand if there are those out there who don’t feel an ounce of empathy. The ones saying, Why’d you make such a big fuss about this? Other people have experienced way worse! This was nothing to cry over. Sure, everyone has the right to their opinion, and I definitely don’t have any interest in getting into the “Whose Pain is Worse?” debate. I’m simply telling my story and candidly sharing what I was thinking (for better or worse), once I realized a few hefty portions of my front teeth were suddenly missing. Agree with it or not, that is how I reacted, and from here, I grow…
The Silver Lining
In these past 72 hours I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned a lot about myself, how I deal (or don’t deal) with unforeseen challenges, what my relationship is with my appearance, and the steps to getting mentally back up even though my body’s still in recovery. This particular experience, although not yet over, has taught me a ton, and I think it’d be worth sharing.
So whether you’ve taken a fall literally like me, or metaphorically somewhere in life, here are seven key things that’ll hopefully keep your spirits high, your perspective in place, and your motivation to get up and keep going strong. These seven lessons are grounded in some of my favorite quotes, so enjoy a little bonus action today!
1. Things Happen; Get Used to It
Life happens to all of us. Things sometimes don’t work out, people sometimes don’t work out, and relationships sometimes don’t work out. It happens, so don’t take it so personally. Life doesn’t discriminate. We’re all exposed to the harsh elements and all tasked with facing a variety of challenges that come with being here. The sooner you can accept this reality, the sooner you will make yourself available to learn the lessons that are the real treasures of life.
2. Be Grateful, But Not Attached
Be grateful for the body that allows you to navigate about this life and experience as much as possible. Appreciate the lineage of your past that is reflected in your physical form. Enjoy the parts of yourself that you think are beautiful and uniquely your own. Value the strength and resilience of the body that offers a safe-keeping for your spirit. But at the same time, recognize that it will be gone one day. It will one day cease to exist.
Year after year, decade after decade, your body is transforming. Whether from accidents or disease, or simply the natural process of aging, things in your body will change. That is a part of life, and the fading away of our physical forms is a destiny we all share.
So be grateful for the body that allows you to function in this world today, but have a deeper understanding that it is temporary; it is ephemeral. Your soul, your inner spirit, is what shines through irrespective of what shape or state your physical form takes. Your inner light is what makes you you; it’s the part that everyone will remember.
3. Keep Smiling
Anyone who knows me, knows that I smile a lot — like a lot a lot. You’d be hard-pressed to find a picture of me where I don’t have a big ol’ cheese on my face. I love smiling so much in fact that I found out on Saturday, I even love to do it while playing capoeira. The fact that my mouth was wide open in a smile when I hit the concrete caused me to avoid what could have been a far worse injury. There isn’t a single scratch on my face. Not one. A few broken teeth, sure. But in this case, smiling saved me.
But of course it’s not everyday that a smile is the hero of the story. I get that, and that’s why I’m not done with this particular lesson. The fact that I haven’t felt as comfortable smiling these past few days has made me recognize something: smiling affects the way I feel. It’s an outer expression of my inner energy, and one of the main ways I communicate with the world. Smiling also has a reciprocal effect in that it actually feeds positive energy back to me. The act of smiling puts me in a good mood, and positively influences my interactions with others.
By preventing myself from smiling these past few days, I have been blocking myself from this two-way channel of feel-good vibes, and I can definitely sense the ramifications. I feel the shift in my energy and the darkening of my mood. I feel the consequences of not giving myself access to this outlet of expression.
But I’ve had it! I don’t care how my teeth look; I don’t care that I’m not necessarily pleased with their current state. The feeling I get from smiling, and the positive impact it has on my interactions with others, supersedes any insecurities I may have. I’m going to keep on smiling, no matter what.
3. It’s OK to Hurt
Traumas come in different forms. What happened on Saturday was a very traumatic experience for me, and I’ve finally made peace with allowing myself to not be OK sometimes. Normally, when something bad happens, I put pressure on myself to immediately be better, get over it, and not take it personally. However, I’m now learning that I need to treat myself as I would anyone else in this situation: with love, patience, and empathy.
If this were anyone else, I’d simply hold a loving space for them to run through the whirlwind of emotions of their experience. I wouldn’t judge, tell them it’s not that bad, or try to hurry them to get over it. I would just be there, holding space for them to express whatever they needed. I would give them time to be human; give them time to feel and heal in their own way. I’m realizing I need to do the same for myself.
4. No Matter What, Get Back Up
24 Hours. That’s how much time I give myself to wallow in my misery. That’s how much time I give myself to feel sorry for myself. But I know there is danger in getting “stuck” there. So I try my best to uphold the 24 hour rule. 1440 minutes to feel it, be confused by it, be hurt by it…freely, wholeheartedly explore all of it.
And then it’s time to transition. It’s time to stop focusing on what was, and turn my attention to creating what will be. Even if it’s just getting out the house that day and going for a walk. It’s time to get up now.
5. Respect the Risks, But Go Anyway
Like most sports, capoeira is extremely tough, and the risk of injuring oneself is never out of the question. But despite the dangerous reality of most sports, athletes keep showing up; they keep playing.
Life is an incredibly challenging adventure — just look at the history books. We’ve survived centuries of natural and human-inflicted disasters, yet we keep procreating; we keep showing up.
Love and relationships are also filled with an immense amount of pain and conflict, yet we keep trying, regardless of how many times our hearts have been broken.
And why? Why do we as a species keep getting up, and showing up? Because the reward is worth the risk. Because the feeling of being alive is something we all aspire to have, and sometimes to get that feeling, it’s necessary to take the greatest of risks.
6. Let People Help
I got myself into this situation; I can get myself out of it. Well, aren’t you a tough one? Sure, we all want to feel capable in our personal abilities, and many times life doesn’t give us any other choice. But there are many instances when asking for help is an option; many of us just never take it. And why? Well I think it’s because many of us pride ourselves on being independent. We pride ourselves on taking care of “me and mines,” and don’t think twice about it, because the pervading culture and media espouses a very similar mantra.
But let’s be honest. This isn’t how life works. This isn’t how people succeed. This isn’t how obstacles are overcome. Many times, ascents are made because of, not in spite of, the involvement of other people. There is no special medal you receive on your death bed acknowledging how many times you got your own self out of a ditch. There is, however, an opportunity in this lifetime to experience something really special many times over: opening yourself up to receive what others have to offer; building support systems of love and connection. Those are the things to really be proud of. Those are the things that will take you the farthest.
7. Forgive
She shouldn’t have done that move on you. She should know better. That wasn’t something we were taught to do. We hadn’t even practiced that move before. She’s wrong for that. Don’t worry, she’ll pay.
My accident involved someone else. I wasn’t going to share this part of the story because to me it’s a non-factor, but I’ve decided to put it here, because I think there’s a valuable lesson others may be able to take away.
Accidents happen. People — all people — make mistakes. (I make them all the time; just ask my sisters). But I don’t believe in harboring anger. I don’t want to poison my spirit by storing hate in my heart, nor do I want another person to get worn down from the heavy burden of guilt. It was simply an accident.
Blaming someone else does not change the fact that what happened to me happened to me. Demeaning someone else does not get me any closer to healing. I accept what happened. It is what is. I forgive: as a gift to them, but also as a gift to myself.
